In an article by the Goodman Institute, Dr. Louise Aronson, a geriatrician, says people’s aging paths often diverge as they grow older. This can be due to biology, behavior, and even luck. In addition to gender-based differences, lifestyle habits can impact how slowly — or rapidly — one ages. For couples aging at different rates, even at senior living facilities, this can pose emotional and practical challenges.
Social worker, Sheri Ackerman understands the interplay of aging and relationships. She has seen this scenario play out many times during her six years at Meadowood. One spouse is still in residential living while one is in the Health Center, whether at Holly House receiving skilled nursing care, at Laurel House receiving personal care, or in McLean Memory Care, which provides memory care to seniors due to cognitive decline.
“The beauty,” says Ackerman, “is that they’re still under the same roof and can see each other.” However, she adds that when the condition of the spouse living in the Health Center starts to decline, it can be hard to deal with for the healthier spouse. “Even when they know it’s coming,” she says, “when it happens it hits you like a ton of bricks.”
For couples aging at different rates, Ackerman says the healthy spouse often has feelings of sadness or guilt. She has seen many situations where healthy spouses want to keep their partner at home with them as long as possible. It’s often the couple’s children, says Ackerman, who agree with the decision to move one parent to the Health Center. Of spouses, she says, many “really want to hold on.”
If the couple is determined to maintain an independent lifestyle at Meadowood, Ackerman says catered living, provided by Meadowood for its residents, is an option. Catered living provides non-skilled home care on a fee-for-service basis.
Caregiver burnout
“Caregiver stress is real,” says Ackerman, emphasizing that spouses in the role of caregiver must not neglect themselves. Even if their loved ones are receiving excellent care in the Health Center, they themselves are living in a constant state of anxiety. “We encourage them to pick things that they enjoy doing and take advantage of it,” she said.
At Meadowood, there are plenty of options for residents to find a temporary distraction. Here, senior living is vibrant living. From art classes to meditation to group exercise and more, Meadowood offers a way for residents to de-stress and recharge.
For spouses still living together, Ackerman says catered living provides a much-needed break. “Even if you just go get your hair done,” she says, it’s important to “give your mind and your body a break.”
For longer breaks, the Health Center provides what’s called a respite stay. This is a temporary placement, Ackerman says, allowing the healthy spouse to go out of town for a couple days, for example.
Ackerman notes that resident community support is invaluable. Meadowood has caregiver support groups that provide comfort and camaraderie. There’s even Beacon, Meadowood’s therapy dog, who can provide emotional support for residents, bringing a smile when needed, brightening one’s day.
From respite to rehab
Much of Ackerman’s work involves helping those receiving rehabilitation services get back in their home or apartment. For example, she says, if a spouse is in rehab as the result of a fall, Meadowood provides a great deal of caregiver education and training. “We always do home evaluations,” she explains. This could include measuring the height of the bed to ensure the patient can get safely in and out, removing any throw rugs that could pose a tripping hazard, and making sure that items such as glasses and plates are easily reachable.
For cardiac patients, Ackerman says spouses are trained to take their weight daily to notice any fluctuations. They also must watch their spouse’s salt intake and are warned about the consequences of lifestyle choices, such as unhealthy eating habits. In addition, Ackerman said Meadowood makes sure they have the home care equipment they need.
Plan for the future
Meadowood senior living is a life plan community with residents who move here with the future in mind, specifically for the long-term care options, Ackerman says, “We’re surprised how many times people do not discuss having a backup plan. “They never thought they would need one.”
Her advice? “As much as you don’t want to hear it, you need to plan for the worst-case scenario. What do you want your future to look like, and how do you plan for that? If you want to stay in your home, do you have the financial resources to do that? Can you afford to hire someone 24/7 to care for your spouse?” She also recommends couples have open conversations with other family members.
“There’s no cookie-cutter solution,” Ackerman says. “Everybody’s different.” That’s why she takes one case at a time. The Meadowood community helps couples and families come up with an individual care plan that best suits their needs.